I dress in male attire day in and day out at work, baggy clothes has
always been my trade mark. To wear tight shirts would reveal my real side, and I have no ideal what the company would say to that so I stay hidden. With my long hair pulled back in a greaser style, my earrings and nail polished slightly, I blend into the work force as a man.
It began in the mail room, she looked at me as her head cocked to the side with a slight squint to her eyes. I had gotten excited and afraid at the same time, because she knew something was amiss I had to tell her so I wrote down my web page and said if you have any questions please ask. I am not afraid to express female side, this is who I am and I am so very proud of myself. The next day I asked her do you have any questions and her reply was " I seen this on Oprah, I understand perfectly. I feel so bad for you and your secret is safe with me". OMG, never have I known that my coming out would be so much a welcome, I sat in my truck for a good 10 minutes and cried.
Today is Wednesday, and "L" she is wearing a gorgeous pant suit. This wonderful pretty lady is wearing a stripped suit which I would love to own and I believe I could find the proper shoes for it too (not saying she wasn't wearing the right shoes) I just have so many I would like to see which one pair is perfect. I can not wait to wear something like that, even though a skirt would be even better I know that I can not be crawling around on the floor with a skirt. Having 2 warddrobes, and I am trotting around in pants that are too large and not properly fitted to hide myself. I have to wear men's ugly clothes, oh god I really prefer not to wear this crap and I refuse to purchase any more than I have to.
I am getting a way from my story, so let me get back to it.
When I was outside for lunch "L" was having a cigarette which I approached her, I loved her outfit but couldn't ask where she bought it without raising an eye brow. So I handed her a piece of paper and suggested she look at it( bold approach) (it was my website) first thing she asked was 'this isn't a porn site which I stated not to my knowledge because I own it and besides I run the network.
With that said I said to "L", after reading it if you have any questions please don't hesitate just ask?
There was another incident Wednesday (funny day) where another woman asked why I was wearing nail polish (pink), I mumbled not to worry about it at the time and I will explain later, "D" is probably looking at the website as I type this.
"L" welcomed me into womanhood which I almost cried again, damn estrogen.
I have a new girl friend at work now, she is so wonderful and wears nice clothes and has my Shawn attitude. While heading out for a break another woman seen my nails again ( I should play the lottery), and believe me they aren't that noticeable but maybe they are. The woman then said, are you trying to come out (I laugh nervously) and "L" says to her 'maybe SHE is'. With a slight grin Vodka (a nickname I gave her) she said she will look later but asked if it were a porn site, omg why does everyone think I am giving them a porn site when it is my web site http://shaunabaggtt.com ?
I am hoping the ladies keep this quiet till my 90 days are complete then I will be able to come out fully, I will have to wait and see.
As much as I would rather be my female self, I still hide today. I think it is set in my brain to hide, and I have did it well for all these years now it is time to show the world my female side. Shauna is a beautiful and helpful person, give her a chance to shine and if she stumbles I will be there to pick her up.
So to the wonderful women I work with and you all know who you are, I am looking forward to the day I become equal to you. And thank you for being so kind to a girl like me.
A follow up;
It came to my attention everyone is aware about my transgender self which is a good thing in many ways, I really don't like sneaking around, I am a very open person who enjoys life to it's fullest. The talk around the office was first a surprise but then the fact that I was a friendly and a well knowledgeable person doesn't change who I am presenting. Whether I am dressed as a man or a woman, I do my job and I do it with a smile every time at 125% . I do try to make lives happier helping, it also makes the task easier.
The Vodka lady had stated she would rather I be a man than who I was born as I quote" you are a handsome man" and you don't walk like a woman" ah as a man I don't think it would look good to walk like a woman and she never mentioned my woman side on how she looks. Go figure that one person would be a bible thumper.
You need to remember people God did this, it wasn't something I wanted I was born this way. It can not be corrected it is biological .
Any how all is well for now, whether people accept me for who I am or not, it is I that has to live with it not them. I live in both genders and have made the best of it thus far.
I'll keep you posted.
Here it is Friday evening and what had happen with the position.
Thursday afternoon I was let go, according to the employer I didn't do the job satisfactory with only one day of training. Now a day before my discovery that I am transgendered I was the bomb. The company loved my performance and was hoping I would stay on with them with the fact the company was failing.
I believe they let me go because I am an Intersex MTF only I can not prove it, but I know what I feel was justified as a transgender discrimination.
In the future I will not show my female side because I fear I may lose my job if they know, the system isn't 100% with us yet.